13 September 2005

To explain the substitute puppet

I would first like to apologize to sponsors, participants, and patrons of the Anenton Shakespearean Fortnight Week. Due to the difficulties with this year's Shakespearean Fortnight Week, it seems unlikely that we will be able to draw sufficient sponsorship to extend next year's event to two full weeks as we had anticipated. We shall continue to strive towards that goal in the years that come.

I am pleased to say that contrary to some rumors, Hope lives, and is recovering nicely at home. We haven't been able to find out why she fell off Juliet's balcony, but the railing will be rebuilt at a higher level. As promised, the balcony did not collapse this year, proof that our new carpenter is up to the task. We did include a warning that tragedies such as Romeo & Juliet are not advisable for young children, and next year we will try to arrange a monitored play area so that the parents have an alternative to bringing them into the ampitheater. Counseling will be available for those young children who attended any of the tragedies and were unable to cope with the subject matter.

Although head wounds can bleed severely, none of the Hamlet actors suffered any serious injury. I've been personally assured by the production medic that scarring will be minimal, enabling them to perform again next year. Another year of practice and we'll all think they came to us straight from Broadway.

I was told that it is customary for women in productions of some of Shakespeare's comedies to supplement their attributes. This is done to make claims about their attractiveness understandable to persons at the back of the audience. The actors who stuffed stuffed rabbits in their pants and proclaimed that they were "happy to meet" with the audience did so without any approval. Those actors will not be returning next year unless they participate in a sexual harassment seminar.

It fell to me to ensure that all of the events are appropriate for the Shakespearean Fortnight Week, and on the children's puppet show I failed in this regard. I was under the impression that the puppeteers understood that it was a Shakespearean event and that all participants were working directly or indirectly off of the works of William Shakespeare. I was not aware that the puppeteers were performing a puppet adaptation of 'Gladiator' until several of the other event staff members brought it to my attention. I contacted the sheriff's office and they intervened.

The cats only sustained minor injuries and are recovering at the local Humane Society shelter. The lion and tiger suits came off with sufficient turpentine, as did the cords used to control their feet. Contrary to rumor, there were no cords on the animals heads, as a starving cat will eat meat in the shape of a 'hero' of their own volition. Those wishing to adopt one should do so before the animals are euthanized in two weeks time. The puppeteers may claim that the cats were substitutes for puppet animals lost in shipping, but we will definately not be inviting them to return.

We have also filed a complaint with the talent booking service that arranged for them to join us this year, and are offering full refunds for the cancelled shows. We have thusfar been unable to get out of our contract with the puppeteers requiring us to pay for their production-related expenses, so we will be unable to refund tickets from the shows that were performed as scheduled until a later date.

Goe, apologizing for the substitute puppets.


Rachmeg said...

I know just the gal to animate this article.

I really liked that show too, once you got past the gore, and Pee Wee Herman in the front row, there were some pretty endering parts.

My favorite was:

Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy, from HAMLET'S CAT

by William Shakespeare's Cat

To go outside, and there perchance to stay
Or to remain within: that is the question:
Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer
The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,
Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
And so by dozing melt the solid hours
That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time
And stall the dinner bell. To sit, to stare
Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state
A wish to venture forth without delay,
Then when the portal's opened up, to stand
As if transfixed by doubt. To prowl; to sleep;
To choose not knowing when we may once more
Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball;
For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob,
Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,
And going out and coming in were made
As simple as the breaking of a bowl,
What cat would bear the household's petty plagues,
The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,
The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,
The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
That fur is heir to, when, of his own will,
He might his exodus or entrance make
With a mere mitten? Who would spaniels fear,
Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,
But that the dread of our unheeded cries
And scratches at a barricaded door
No claw can open up, dispels our nerve
And makes us rather bear our humans' faults
Than run away to unguessed miseries?
Thus caution doth make house cats of us all;
And thus the bristling hair of resolution
Is softened up with the pale brush of thought,
And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
We pause upon the threshold of decision.

Rach - stealing from Henry Beard

Goemagog said...

that's cool. never seen it before.

Goe, appreciates good things.