An unimportant war.

The war began quietly. Not on purpose, not for dramatic effect, but because when it began it only involved people nobody cared about in a place nobody cared about arguing over things of no lasting consequence. Both parties hated each other because they wanted to. The complaints used to justify the fighting were of incidents so long ago that they were likely as not fictional.
Since it was in one of the many places in the world that we never cared about, we were content to ignore the whole matter, just as we ignore similarly unimportant conflicts in similarly unimportant places. They did not ignore us with a similar disinterest, and we became a scapegoat for the leaders of both sides. Every failed negotiation, military setback, stubbed toe, missing bolt, soiled diaper, and general malaise was lain on our doorstep, both sides claiming that their own failings were because we were helping their enemy. This we also ignored, as pretty much everyone was blaming us for everything anyways.
A politician of ours, seeking to portray an opponent as callous and cold-hearted, pretended to care. Speeches were given about seeking the middle ground, ensuring a fair and equitable peace, and apologizing for our non-interference in things that didn't involve us. The warring parties were not pleased by this, both believing so firmly that we were working against them that greater involvement would doom their cause, so they spread the war.
They began attacking our allies, countries and people that we did care about, in minor terroristic actions, through a variety of mercenary groups. Our allies weren't anymore involved than we were, but they were in easier reach for the unnoteworthy warring parties. Our politicians, and those of our allies, condemned the spread of the war, giving speeches calling for a middle ground to be sought, the assurance of a fair and equitable peace, and apologizing for not interfering in other people's business.
The situation continued thusly until a politician in one of our allies sought a political advantage over their opponent by claiming that the participation they were being attacked for was not only not fictional, but obviously a result of meddling on our part. We denied this, of course, as we hadn't been interfering and were too ignorant of the situation to have picked a side. We knew we weren't involved, and so did our allies, but it was easier for them to shift blame rather than to correct an error believed with religious fervor.
The delusional plight of the warring parties found more allies among us, as organizations indifferent to the war began calling on us to stop what we had never started as a way to gain political advantage in our own political situation. The continued attacks on our allies led our allies to ask for our assistance while their leaders and ours claimed that such assistance was the ultimate cause of these problems. The actual war nearly came to a halt as both sides put their efforts into attacking our allies, ignoring closer enemies.
Others in the region we didn't care about began blaming us as well, and with their aid, the original factions were able to escalate their attacks against our allies and spread the attacks to us. It wasn't until the attacks against us domestically grew too large and frequent for the media to ignore that we actually did something.
Some of our politicians felt that the actions were hadn't taken were misunderstood and could be corrected by sending in peacekeepers to impose peace and force negotiations. Others claimed that we had been involved and that only by distancing ourselves could we, our allies, and the warring parties find peace.
With the support of some of our allies, peacekeepers were sent in. The best soldiers we could muster were sent to babysit the local politicians and soldiers whose irrational hatred of us dragged us into their minor dispute. Our politicians who opposed the peacekeeping mission called it an unnecessary escalation of a mistaken policy, and demanded acts of apology and contrition from their opponents. The people whose peace we were keeping and some of our more Vichy allies were easily persuaded to this point of view, with our allies providing a sanctuary to the warring leaders so they wouldn't have to attend the forced negotiations.
They negotiated without us, after a while, and declared that our aggression against them was the real cause of the war, and turned to our allies for aid against us. Our allies did not aid them directly, but provided their leaders and terrorist organizations with money and shelter. As the attacks against us continued to grow, more of our allies abandoned us.
Nuclear weapons change things, and they changed several of our cities. Our own fault, our politicians and our enemies told us, for having started wars in distant lands that we didn't care about. There were negotiations, which didn't take too long and were held a safe distance from the fallout zones. Our politicians, the ones who ignored the distant wars of people we cared nothing about, were to be given show trials and punished for every unfairness in the world. The peacekeepers were to be likewise sacrificed to the corrupt justice system s of distant countries. Everyone, our enemies, allies, and our politicians who sided with them, could come and take what they wanted from us in reparation for the harm we hadn't caused.
Many of us were unhappy about losing cities, justice, and lives due to the corruption and dishonesty of others. We were told that we were greedy, racist imperialists who somehow had to be responsible for any misery, misfortune, or mistakes in the world, even if we weren't involved in any way. Our own troops, and those of our allies, were deployed against us to ensure that we didn't embark on any new imperialistic adventures or organize to further our racist machinations.
A free people are not easily yoked to injustice and oppression, the politicians complying with foreign powers and demands knew this was coming and tried to prepare. The laws used to catch the terrorists were used against us, 'the real terrorists', and actions never permitted to the peacekeepers were adopted by the police to control a restive populace. Our soldiers and police fight well, it's unfortunate that they're not on our side.

Goe, thinks Derbyshire is too upbeat.